I'm Straight Up About to Predict Every Week 15 Winner in the NFL

Last week's predictions were pretty lukewarm. I went 8-5 on the week with several bad misses, but as per usual I don't blame myself for most of those. The Titans shouldn't have lost to the Jaguars and the Seahawks shouldn't have lost to the Panthers. On the other hand I just straight up missed on the Rams', Lions', and Chargers' wins last week. I guess I deserved this below average week after the stellar week I had two weeks ago. I think this week I shall return to my former glory and leave this stain on my record behind.

San Francisco 49ers vs. Seattle Seahawks

Last week should have told you all you need to know about how this game is going to go. The 49ers absolutely curb stomped the Buccaneers while the Seahawks suffered an embarrassing loss to the Panthers. The 49ers did take a massive hit when star receiver Deebo Samuel went down with what looked like a pretty severe injury, but I think even with him out for this game San Fran should probably still win. Every week I am climbing farther and farther atop the 49ers bandwagon, and I don't suspect that I'm going to be falling off this week. Winner: 49ers

pc: via Yahoo Sports

Indianapolis Colts vs. Minnesota Vikings

The Vikings are very lucky that they're playing the Colts this week, because if they weren't I would definitely be picking them to lose. Their loss to the Lions last week was pretty embarrassing. Not that the Lions are awful, but more so that the Vikings looked awful in the loss. However, the Colts are just the team the Vikings want to use as a way to get their feet back under them. If Minnesota somehow manages to blow this one I will be completely writing them off as a fraud once and for all. Winner: Vikings

Baltimore Ravens vs. Cleveland Browns

I think this may surprise some folks, but I am leaning towards picking the Browns here. The Ravens beat the Steelers 16-14 this past week, and the week before that they beat the Broncos 10-9. Needless to say they aren't looking like themselves right now, and I think Cleveland may be the below average team that finally gets the best of them. I think the Browns are better than both the Steelers and Broncos, and even though they don't have a ton left to play for since they won't be making the playoffs I still think they have what it takes to win this week. Winner: Browns

Miami Dolphins vs. Buffalo Bills

I didn't like to see the Bills struggle how they did last week, but nevertheless they still got the win against a team that had gotten the best of them earlier in the season. This week I am hoping to see some similar results, but maybe without the slight struggles. The Dolphins looked absolutely dead this week in their loss to the Chargers, with Tua looking the worst I've seen him in a long time. Do I think we see this Dolphins team play that poorly two weeks in a row? No. However, I am of the opinion that the Bills are the better team at this point in the season. To be fair, I thought they were the better team the first time they met too. With all of that said, we know the drill, I pick the Bills to win every week no matter what my better judgement tells me, lucky for me my better judgement is telling me to go with the Bills. Winner: Bills

pc: via ESPN

Philadelphia Eagles vs. Chicago Bears

Here's my blowout of the week pick. The Eagles are going to absolutely crush the Bears the same way they crushed the Giants last week. Winner: Eagles

Detroit Lions vs. New York Jets

Oh man this is going to be a good game. I do think that the Jets are the overall better team, but I just can't seem to get over this Lions squad. They played a fantastic game against the Vikings last week, and I think they can do it again. I've said this before, but every time I feel like I can pick the Lions I am going to pick the Lions. This week is no different. I do think they may struggle against the Jets' staunch defense, but I trust their offense to outscore New York. Winner: Lions

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Carolina Panthers

I couldn't care less about this game, and I can't think of anybody outside of North Carolina or Pittsburgh that do either. If I absolutely have to pick a team to win this game I guess I'll go with the team that's been better all year, that being the Steelers. The Panthers got a great win last week, but I don't think they're capable of replicating that success. Winner: Steelers

Kansas City Chiefs vs. Houston Texans

Here's another game that will be a blowout. The Chiefs are going to maul the Texans this week. Sure, they struggled to keep the Broncos from scoring, but who cares if they are still going to get the win. The Chiefs' defense isn't the greatest, we know this, but their offense is transcendent. The Texans really don't stand any sort of a chance. Winner: Chiefs

Atlanta Falcons vs. New Orleans Saints

Here's another game I will not be tuning in for. I can say with complete certainty that I could not care less about either of these teams or the outcome of this game. For the sake of these predictions and maintaining my credibility among my fellow low-IQ football enjoyers I will give a proper prediction. I think the Saints are not only the better team in this matchup, but I also think they are the more likely team to have a impressive performance this late in the season. Winner: Saints

Dallas Cowboys vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

After several weeks of excellence the Cowboys finally had a little hiccup last week when they struggled to put the Texans away and were forced to beat them late. The Jaguars, on the other hand, were able to put the beat down on the Titans. I'm not going to pick the Jaguars to win this game, but I will leave it floating out there that I think the Jaguars could definitely pull off the upset. The Cowboys are the better team, and I think they're going to win this game, but they're not unbeatable. Winner: Cowboys

pc: Roy Jenkins/AP

Arizona Cardinals vs. Denver Broncos

Good lord the slate for this week is just abysmal. Who wants to see the Cardinals lazily defeat the Broncos in Week 15? Not this guy. The only bright side of this game is seeing the fraudulent Broncos take another L. The Cardinals suck too don't get me wrong, but even they will get the best of the Broncos this season. Winner: Cardinals

New England Patriots vs. Las Vegas Raiders

DAMN YOU LAS VEGAS!!!!!!!!! EVERY SINGLE WEEK THE RAIDERS FIND A WAY TO SCREW UP MY PICKS!!! I'm not the type of guy to believe in luck, but maybe if the Raiders won last week the rest of my picks would have gone a bit better. If I pick them to win, they lose, and if I pick them to lose, they win. I will forever be a Las Vegas Raiders hater after this season. This week I think they are going to lose, but saying that I also know they're going to win. From now on I am going to pick the better team for every Raiders matchup. Winner: Patriots

Tennessee Titans vs. Los Angeles Chargers

Normally I would put genuine thought into this pick considering these two teams are of a similar skill level. However, the Titans getting beat by the Jaguars last week while the Chargers came away with a big win over the Dolphins tells me I should pick the Chargers. I know that sounds stupid, but in a lot of these games that I don't particularly care about I just base my opinion on how each team performed the week before. In my mind the Chargers played like they want to win while the Titans played like they had no interest in such a thing. I'm just assuming the same thing happens this week. Winner: Chargers

pc: via Fansided

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Who do you think I'm picking to win this game? Take a wild guess. Obviously it's the Bengals that are going to win this game. The Bucs got absolutely mauled by the 49ers last week, and this week they go up against a team that's nearly as good as San Francisco. I think the Bengals are going to win this game very very easily and continue the streak of teams embarrassing the Bucs this season. Winner: Bengals

New York Giants vs. Washington Commanders

Here is a game that if you told me at the beginning of the year that I would be intrigued by it I would have told you you were an idiot. However, looking at this game I see two teams that have surpassed expectations at every turn this season (apart from when they've lost). They have identical records, and I guarantee you that both of these teams are going to play some of their best football of the season in order to get this win. At this point I think I am just going to pick the team that has served me better this season as far as picks go. Winner: Commanders

Los Angeles Rams vs. Green Bay Packers

I actually forgot that the Packers were a team. They are really only interesting to me when they are kicking the crap out of the Bears. However, they are playing a team this week that absolutely disgusts me. I'm sure I've already said something like this this season, but how on Earth do you win the Super Bowl and then totally lose your ability to play football the next season. I get they beat the Raiders last week, but c'mon, it's the Raiders. I think the Packers win this week only because they are playing such a sorry excuse for a football team. Winner: Packers