Happy Belated President's Day: Top Ten Presidents Ranked by Drip

Yesterday was President's Day, and I did you all a disservice by not cooking up a Presidents ranking blog such as the one I'm presenting you all with today. Now, I hate politics, and if you thought going into this that this blog should be taken serious in any way you're a moron. These rankings are solely based on drip (and for you elderly folk that means how well they dressed) and nothing else. There have been 44 presidents (Grover Cleveland was president twice, and William Henry Harrison was president for like a week) so if I miss someone that had lowkey crazy sauce let me know, please.

10. Theodore Roosevelt - 26th President - 1901-1909

The OG Roosevelt was notoriously a genius when it came to his suit selection. The longtime outdoorsman would regularly rotate his Roosevelt repertoire between business suits and rough rider attire. He would start his day fitted up like Steve Irwin whilst riding a horse through the marshlands before changing into business attire that made damsels of the day weak in the knees. On top of that he kept a secret weapon in his back pocket, and by back pocket I mean directly in front of his face. He pioneered the monocle, giving the Monopoly man a run for his play money. Every president rocked suits, but no man forced himself to see out of only one eye quite like ole' Teddy.

pc: Getty Images

9. Ronald Reagan - 40th President - 1981-1989

No president was quite as versatile with his wardrobe as Ronald Reagan. One major advantage he has over the other presidents is that he was an actor for decades before getting into politics. The man was forced to dress well or fail in his career. It was quite literally a drip or drown scenario, and it turns out Ron was quite the swimmer. Much like Teddy, people came to recognize Reagan in a wild west fit, with the only difference being that Reagan was significantly better looking. To put things into perspective, this guy was an inspiration for Clint Eastwood. Once he landed in the Oval Office he continued his suave streak, throwing boisterous fits left and right as if he were a clumsy infant. He dripped so hard that Gorbachev was forced to tear down that wall. Some people have an unstoppable bargaining chip, this guy had unstoppable bargaining drip.

pc: via The Atlantic

8. Barack Obama - 44th President - 2008-2016

Obama was the first president in which I was alive to witness his entire presidential tenure. However, instead of dissecting his policy, I was focused on the fact that he had sauce like no other. This guy was just cool. He would drone strike a village in the Middle East full of innocent civilians and then get on national TV and soothe everyone's sorrows by simply being cool as a cucumber. He was an immovable object standing in the way of political talking heads around the world simply because he dripped harder than an affordable housing AC unit. However, the only thing holding him back was his wife. Michelle had absolutely no swag, and because she never left his side she almost served as an accessory to his fits. He would be much higher on this list if Michelle had ever learned how to get fitted up over the course of his two-terms.

pc: via GQ

7. Andrew Jackson - 7th President - 1829-1837

This man Andrew Jackson is an underrated wardrobe wizard, and I never see his name on the drippiest president lists. I just find that unbelievable, because this guy was a stone cold killer with unspeakable flow. Take one look at his presidential portrait and it's easy to tell just how much of a smooth criminal he was, and I mean that both literally and figuratively. This guy was so well respected that he somehow convinced the entire U.S. governmental body to force millions of people to just get up and walk across the country. Besides the ice cold fits he also kept up a boy band like hairdo nearly two-hundred years ago. He may have caused the Trail of Tears, but this dude got me like Tears for Fears because I need to shout, shout, let it all out that this is the drip we can't do without, and when he actually did rule the world those fits had folks head over heels.

6. Donald Trump - 45th President - 2016-2020

Trump is the richest president of all-time, and it showed. Half of the country hated this man and the other half loved him, but everyone had to admit that he knew how to dress. You don't just become a billionaire by strutting around in sweat pants and a t-shirt, so this guy had years of preparation before he ever landed in the Oval Office. He had a whole TV show where he would occasionally eliminate contestants simply because they lacked a deep closet, so if any president has the right to rate someone else's fit it's this guy. After seeing that the president of Mexico was absolutely dripless he said that he was going to build a massive wall across the entire southern border and make him pay for it. This guy was punishing other leaders for their lack of swag, and that's all I need to know.

5. Abraham Lincoln - 16th President - 1861-1865

Most people agree that Lincoln was the greatest president of all-time, but what most people forget is that he also may be the freshest president of all-time. He really was the most pro-drip Commander in Chief in the history of our country. Just look at the Union's uniforms in comparison to the Confederacy's lowly burlap sacks. Some argue that the north won the Civil War solely because he put his men in the nicest threads the country had ever seen. When it came to his personal wardrobe he had the most unique look in presidential history. Everybody knows about the top-hat to end all top-hats, but nobody talks about the fact that this 6'4" beast of a man had to have every suit personally tailored to his height. My guy was travelling across the country during the worst war the U.S. had ever seen with a personal tailor constantly fixing his trousers. In the end he was assassinated by an anti-drip radical who dropped a "Sic Semper Tyrannis" after the act, which directly translates to "Death to the Sauce Boss".

4. George Washington - 1st President - 1789-1797

The OG. Numero Uno. The model that every other man on this list followed. At first glance his fits were just average presidential garb, but after a closer look you will see that this man was a versatile ice wizard. Look at one picture of him wearing his military uniform and you will immediately know why he is this high on the list. Nobody posted up for a portrait as hard as this man did. In addition to all of that, he was a grill pioneer. Who knows how many people today would be rocking iced out sets if it weren't for George Washington whittling a wooden set of chompers. Nelly owes almost all of his success to this man, with the whole top diamond and the bottom rosewood.

3. Harry Truman - 33rd President - 1945-1953

Possibly the most underrated fit thrower in the history of man, real history freaks such as myself know scary Harry was a genius when it came to his clothes. He actually owned a menswear store before going into politics, a true virtuoso of the game. Insider reports also claim he owned over 100 pairs of shoes. You already know Harry kept them deadstock too, as maintaining his kick's resell value was a top priority for him. As far as his public image was concerned, this dude was not afraid to drop bombs. He made sure to wear his cleanest fit on the day that Japan surrendered, ending World War II in style, literally. This guy nearly destroyed an entire country simply because he didn't agree with their fashion trends, talk about commitment to your craft.

2. John F. Kennedy - 35th President - 1961-1963

Most people agree that JFK was the best looking president of all-time, but in my personal opinion that can mostly be attributed to his drip. He's considered the face of the Cold War, so he was not only great at avoiding military conflict, but also at avoiding conflict of style. Fidel Castro and Nikita Khrushchev saw how handsome this man was and immediately started plotting his downfall. Much like Obama, he would totally screw up and then soothe the public by simply appearing. After nearly getting the country into a nuclear war when the Bay of Pigs invasion failed he simply had a press conference and everyone forgot it even happened. This guy dripped so hard that his own government assassinated him. Lyndon B. Johnson wanted to steal his thunder so bad he had the CIA team up with some random crazy dude to kill the guy while he was riding in a, guess what, convertible. He truly went out in style.

1. Franklin Roosevelt - 32nd President - 1933-1945

I think we all knew who would be first on this list. A true icon, this man was somehow able to have more drip than any other president while not even being able to walk. God had to give this guy polio just to keep him from being the drippiest human to ever walk the Earth. He sat among Winston Churchill and Joseph Stalin, two men who knew how to dress, and made them look like they just rolled out of bed. In his day and age he was probably the most beloved president of all-time, and it had nothing to do with his policies. He was so well-liked that he broke the entire system, being elected to a third term, the most of any president. They were going to elect him to a fourth too but he straight up just died. A new law had to be passed to ensure someone couldn't be elected to more than two terms because they were afraid that if he ever came back from the dead that he would be re-elected. You could say they had to strike a New Deal just to nerf FDR, which goes to show just how powerful his drip truly was.